Children of the Universe

When I was in my teens my best friend was a boy named Walter.  I was blessed to have had several "best" friends over my teen years but Walter was always the closest of them.  He was absolutely the best thing in my life at that time. He was outrageous, quirky, and fun. Walter has been know to wear a dress for sheer shock value. He was also sometimes contemplative, quiet, and deep. He could be as playful and joyful as a child or as spiritual and wise as the oldest Sage.

Walter and I never dated, it was purely platonic. Sometimes we held hands, and if we shared a kiss it was always brotherly / sisterly in nature. Our connection was deep and rare. Looking back I'm sure this was not our first lifetime shared. I have been beautifully haunted by memories of Walter all day.

As most teen girls at that time I babysat for extra spending money. It didn't matter if either he or I were dating someone, babysitting night was never without Walter. It was "our time."  Once the children were asleep we would talk or play games or snuggle on the sofa and watch movies for hours.

If I was grounded Walter was ever faithful to call me in the evenings and keep me company. It was on such an evening that Walter introduced me to Desiderata. He read it to me over the phone and we philosophized over it in all directions, probing together at the secrets of our place in this universe. He gave me a poster of it at school the next day. (I wish I had that poster still.)

Walter gave me many wonderful gifts over those years. He shared with me his playfulness, his dreams, his ideas, but the best gifts that he gave me were his acceptance and his love. Walter was my rock. I will love him always. Sadly he succumbed to cancer about 2 years ago.

To this day Desiderata remains one of my all time favorite writings. I like to read it now and then and ponder the depth of it's simplicity and the beauty of its wisdom. Having read it just this morning is probably why I've been thinking of my beautiful friend today.

I'm sure most everyone is familiar with Desiderata but one can never read it too often, so I'm posting it here as a sort of tribute to my departed friend. I love you Walter... I'm so thankful that we were "children of the universe" together.

 

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence. 

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit. 

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. 

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass. 

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. 

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.


 © Rapture's Corner

From The Ashes

This, my first post was inspired by an encounter I had with a client this morning who shared with me the agony of having discovered that her adult daughter had been molested as a child. As a result her daughter is an adult who can barely function because the wound in her spirit is so deep. I had not intended to write about this topic. I hadn't actually given much thought as to what my first post might be but, somehow this seems fitting for me.

Perhaps no one will ever read this; perhaps it will be read by many. Perhaps it may make some of you uncomfortable, but I'm not writing for you. I'm writing for the one person who may glean a sparkle of hope, insight, healing... and I'm writing for me. I intend to be painfully honest. I intend to speak my truth.

While listening to this woman's story I realized that I (for whatever reason) am a very blessed woman. I was also sexually abused, as well as emotionally abused. Yet unlike her daughter I'm vibrant - I thrive. I own a successful business, I've raised 2 wonderful children, I have a beautiful life and I never give the abuse of the past a thought unless someone shares with me and awakens the memory. This was not always the case. I was a very angry young woman. And so my journey has been one of forgiveness and healing.

I was 8 years old when my stepfather came to my room for the first time. When I told my mother in the morning she said "Honey you must have dreamed that. He was in bed with me all night." The molestation continued but I remained silent for a time because there was no one to hear me. At the age of 14 I again approached my mother and told her that her husband had been coming to visit my room almost every night since I was 8. She responded "You have never liked him. You might be saying this to break up our family." And with that I was sent to Seattle to live with my Nana and uncle.

I spent too many years of my life feeling betrayed and victimized. Wasted years of depression and anger. But I also spent a lot of that time seeking truth. Asking God and myself what had to happen to get on with my life. Then one day I realized it was my choice. I could get better or I could be bitter. I had to forgive them because in not forgiving them I was only harming myself. I was giving power to something unworthy and beneath me. The only way for me to heal was to forgive. I struggled with that at first because I didn't believe they deserved it. But I deserved it! It took at least a year of meditation on that intent before I realized it was working. I later discovered it to be far more difficult to forgive myself, but in forgiving them I took my power back and that was a good start.

To heal oneself is never simple. It's a very difficult thing to undertake. My journey of healing turned out to have many layers and took many years. And even though I never give the molestation of my childhood a thought these days I've come to realize that in some ways I'm healing still. But If I had the ability to go back in time and stop that abuse from happening in my life - I wouldn't do it. I would not change a thing! That experience taught me to trust in a higher power. It taught me to have compassion. To love. To forgive... and to believe in myself. For that I am filled with gratitude! If I can rise from those ashes I can overcome anything! And rise I did. I am amazing for all I've been through. I'm absolutely beautiful and perfect in all my many imperfections, and if your motivation is love and healing, so are you...


 © Rapture's Corner